"Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." (Genesis 2:18)
With these words God brought into existence the second human being: woman. She was created in the image of God like the man to help him in fulfilling his God-given task of cultivating and keeping creation. Miraculously made from the body of the man himself, she is "bone of [his] bone, and flesh of [his] flesh". And so it is said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) Thus the first man and the first woman enjoyed the first marriage. This relationship was designed by God for our good, and to this day countless men and women in in every country and culture benefit from God's gift of marriage. When a man and a woman are united in marriage as one flesh according to the design of God, we flourish and God's kindness and wisdom are displayed for all to see.
Marriage is also the means through which mankind would fill and subdue the earth, covering the planet with the glory of God we were made to reflect. Yet our first parents did not fulfill their God-given task and they did not reflect God's glory when they chose to disobey and sin against Him. Their dishonoring of God brought the punishment of death and separation from their Creator. And so mankind fell into rebellion and reproach, and the core of his being turned away from God. The first marriage also was devastated by sin, and the relationship of the woman to the man made bitter. "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16)
In both the Biblical records and present day experience marriage is both a hopeful and painful institution. Marriage has such potential for blessing, yet so many of us have experienced either firsthand or with someone close the devastation of a broken marriage. While a solid, loving marriage may bring immeasurable benefits for generations, a broken marriage breaks the heart and home. And as much as a married couple is hurt by divorce, God is affected even more. God created us in His image, and He designed marriage as a means for us to reflect that image. Therefore God cares deeply about the state of our marriages.
Marriage is for us but it is not mainly about us. Marriage is most profoundly about God and His glory and grace. With perfect wisdom, God designed marriage to reflect His relationship with His chosen people. God came to us in Christ, like a faithful and long-suffering husband to his adulterous wife, and at great cost to Himself purchased us out of the slavery, made us clean, forgave all of our sins, and took us as His bride. This is the Biblical picture of God's great love for His church, a love so great that "He gave His one and only Son" (John 3:16) and "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) This is the picture which are marriages are made to reflect.
They do so by the way the husband and wife relate to each other. The husband leading, loving and serving his wife as Christ does the church (Ephesians 5:25-29), and the wife respecting and submitting to her husband as the church does to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). The church is called the body of Christ for we are united with our savior by faith through His grace. And just as the church is forever united to Christ as His body and bride, so the wife is forever united to her husband as his body and bride. For this reason the scripture says: "Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body." (Ephesians 5:28-30)
This is why marriage is to be permanent, until "death do us part", because God's relationship to His church is permanent. This is why a husband must never leave his wife, because Christ will never leave His church. "This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32). Marriage therefore depicts an eternal reality far beyond all comprehension: the covenant relationship between Christ and His church. Marriage is about God and His glory and grace!
For this reason God says "'Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce,' says the Lord, the God of Israel" (Malachi 2:15,16) Because marriage is for our good and God's glory, God is passionately against divorce for it communicates a lie about who He is. God does not deal treacherously against His wife the church, but He is faithful to the end. Therefore the people of God are warned in the strongest language possible not to divorce and not to find another spouse in the tragic event of a divorce. Jesus said, "I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:9) Marriage is such a sacred picture of the glory and grace of God that the disciples reply to Jesus with shock, "It is better not to marry". (Matthew 19:10) They are frightened by the responsibility of marriage! We would also do well to stand in awe of the meaning of marriage.
We respond to God's word about marriage from four primary positions: single, married, divorced or remarried. To the single person, a word of encouragement and a warning. First, singleness is in no way inferior to marriage. You are not an incomplete person waiting to get married. Jesus Himself, the only perfect person who ever lived, was not married and lacked nothing. And neither do you for being single! In fact, your singeless is a gift from God which allows you to more freely to devote yourself to His service, if you will receive it as such. Jesus spoke of singleness and said, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given....He who is able to accept this, let him accept it." (Matthew 19:11,12) The unmarried apostle Paul likewise said, "But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I [single]. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8-9) Don't forget the God-given benefit of being single, for "I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord...This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:32,35) All this to say, do not despise your singleness but embrace it as a gift from God, even if only for a season.
Second, consider the immense responsibility of marriage before rushing into a relationship. Men, are you ready to lay down your lives for a wife? Are you ready to permanently commit yourself to lead, love and serve the woman God gives you? Are you prepared to accept responsibility before God for the well-being of your family? If you are to lay down your life for this calling, know that there will be sacrifice. You will forfeit hobbies, pleasures and privaleges, but be assured that the payoff of such commitment will bring great blessing and reward, for "it is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35).
To the married person, there is likewise a word of encouragement and a warning. First, remember that your marriage is designed by God for your good and His glory! You have the royal privalege of displaying to the world the covenant keeping love of Christ for His church. Therefore keep the gospel at the center of your marriage. Men, you are to be a picture of Christ to your wife. When wronged, you must be quick to forgive. When divided, you must be first to reconcile. When cold, you must initiate warm affection. You are responsible before God to lead, love and serve your wife. This is what Christ has done for you, so go and do likewise. If you neglect her well-being, you neglect yourself, for the two of you are one in God's sight. Therefore be dilligent to preserve the unity of your marriage and utilize your God-given family to bless others! Bring single people into your lives and display the love of Jesus to them. Invite the lost and the poor in to taste and see the goodness of God in your marriage.
Second, maintain reverence for the sanctity of your marriage. Christian couples, remember that your marriage is a witness of the Lord you call upon. What kind of message are you sending to your neighbors and friends? If your marriage is struggling, and all marriages will struggle at times in varying degree, I plead with you to do whatever it takes to make things right. Confess sin, find accountability within godly community, seek wise counsel, and for the love of Jesus take divorce off the table. Remember the covenant made on your wedding day. Remember that God sovereignly brought the two of you together: "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." (Matthew 19:6)
To the divorced person, the word of God offers much hope and promise to you. Whatever the reason for your divorce, whether you have sinned or been sinned against, forgiveness and restoration are available in the arms of Jesus Christ. Are you grieving? Jesus came to bear your grief. Are you overwhelmed by sorrow? Jesus came to carry you. (Isaiah 53:4) Are you guilty? Jesus came to bear your guilt. Have you "dealt treacherously against the wife of your youth"? Jesus came to pay the price for your sin. Come to Jesus, all you who are weary and heavy-laden with broken marriages, and He will give you rest. Even if your marriage seems to have failed, your God has not failed. He can work good even through sin and devastation, and He has an eternally significant life ahead of you in the fellowship of His service if you will have Christ as your savior an Lord.
If you will follow Him through this valley of shadow and death, know that your Heavenly Father desires reconciliation with your spouse above all else. "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men", epsecially your spouse. (Romans 12:18) The Lord instructs us "that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband)" (1 Corinthians 7:10,11) And if reconciliation is not possible, receive this new chapter of your life with all its pain as a new beginning of undivided devotion to the Lord. Please do not go the way of the culture which has no love for God and would urge you to start over with someone else. No, "do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." (Romans 12:2) Few can accept this good and perfect will, yet you will be blessed if you do. For a person is bound by covenant to their spouse as long as they live, (1 Corinthians 7:39) and commits adultery if they marry another, except in the case of adultery (Matthew 19:9) or being left by an unbelieving spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:15) Remember that Jesus spoke everything He did for our joy (John 15:11) and "His commandments are not burdensome." (1 John 5:3) Jesus did not come to give burdens and take away joy, but to take away burdens and give joy.
Finally, to the remarried person, there is grace for you as much as any one else. Even if you have remarried without Biblical grounds and commited adultery in doing so, remember for whom Christ died. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) That means Christ died for adulterers like you and I. You do not get a finger pointed in your face, for we are all guilty. For "everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:28) We will not however help ourselves or anyone else by glossing over adultery. Rather, God calls us to repentance. "Only acknowledge your iniquity, that you have transgressed against the Lord your God" (Jeremiah 3:13) and "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) Take heart, there is grace for us all.
Remember the woman at the well, considered to be an unclean Samaritan by the Jews, married and divorced five times and living with the sixth man out of wedlock...and loved by Jesus. He did not come to condemn her already devastated soul, but to offer her living water. "Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." (John 4:14) This is the God we serve, and this is the gospel we preach. Salvation for us who believe in Christ, no matter what we've done or where we've been! Having repented and believed in this good news, glorify God in your remarriage. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her...Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:25,22)
God's grace is sufficient for us to endure and even thrive in whatever unique challenges our marital status brings. Wherever we are, we desparately need Jesus. Praise God, He is available to us! May He be glorified in our singleness, our marriage, our divorce or our remarriage and may we not reject His word but receive it as the life-giving treasure it is.
(5/29/2013)
With these words God brought into existence the second human being: woman. She was created in the image of God like the man to help him in fulfilling his God-given task of cultivating and keeping creation. Miraculously made from the body of the man himself, she is "bone of [his] bone, and flesh of [his] flesh". And so it is said, "For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24) Thus the first man and the first woman enjoyed the first marriage. This relationship was designed by God for our good, and to this day countless men and women in in every country and culture benefit from God's gift of marriage. When a man and a woman are united in marriage as one flesh according to the design of God, we flourish and God's kindness and wisdom are displayed for all to see.
Marriage is also the means through which mankind would fill and subdue the earth, covering the planet with the glory of God we were made to reflect. Yet our first parents did not fulfill their God-given task and they did not reflect God's glory when they chose to disobey and sin against Him. Their dishonoring of God brought the punishment of death and separation from their Creator. And so mankind fell into rebellion and reproach, and the core of his being turned away from God. The first marriage also was devastated by sin, and the relationship of the woman to the man made bitter. "Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you." (Genesis 3:16)
In both the Biblical records and present day experience marriage is both a hopeful and painful institution. Marriage has such potential for blessing, yet so many of us have experienced either firsthand or with someone close the devastation of a broken marriage. While a solid, loving marriage may bring immeasurable benefits for generations, a broken marriage breaks the heart and home. And as much as a married couple is hurt by divorce, God is affected even more. God created us in His image, and He designed marriage as a means for us to reflect that image. Therefore God cares deeply about the state of our marriages.
Marriage is for us but it is not mainly about us. Marriage is most profoundly about God and His glory and grace. With perfect wisdom, God designed marriage to reflect His relationship with His chosen people. God came to us in Christ, like a faithful and long-suffering husband to his adulterous wife, and at great cost to Himself purchased us out of the slavery, made us clean, forgave all of our sins, and took us as His bride. This is the Biblical picture of God's great love for His church, a love so great that "He gave His one and only Son" (John 3:16) and "while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) This is the picture which are marriages are made to reflect.
They do so by the way the husband and wife relate to each other. The husband leading, loving and serving his wife as Christ does the church (Ephesians 5:25-29), and the wife respecting and submitting to her husband as the church does to Christ (Ephesians 5:22-24). The church is called the body of Christ for we are united with our savior by faith through His grace. And just as the church is forever united to Christ as His body and bride, so the wife is forever united to her husband as his body and bride. For this reason the scripture says: "Husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church, because we are members of His body." (Ephesians 5:28-30)
This is why marriage is to be permanent, until "death do us part", because God's relationship to His church is permanent. This is why a husband must never leave his wife, because Christ will never leave His church. "This mystery is great; but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church" (Ephesians 5:32). Marriage therefore depicts an eternal reality far beyond all comprehension: the covenant relationship between Christ and His church. Marriage is about God and His glory and grace!
For this reason God says "'Take heed then to your spirit, and let no one deal treacherously against the wife of your youth. For I hate divorce,' says the Lord, the God of Israel" (Malachi 2:15,16) Because marriage is for our good and God's glory, God is passionately against divorce for it communicates a lie about who He is. God does not deal treacherously against His wife the church, but He is faithful to the end. Therefore the people of God are warned in the strongest language possible not to divorce and not to find another spouse in the tragic event of a divorce. Jesus said, "I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (Matthew 19:9) Marriage is such a sacred picture of the glory and grace of God that the disciples reply to Jesus with shock, "It is better not to marry". (Matthew 19:10) They are frightened by the responsibility of marriage! We would also do well to stand in awe of the meaning of marriage.
We respond to God's word about marriage from four primary positions: single, married, divorced or remarried. To the single person, a word of encouragement and a warning. First, singleness is in no way inferior to marriage. You are not an incomplete person waiting to get married. Jesus Himself, the only perfect person who ever lived, was not married and lacked nothing. And neither do you for being single! In fact, your singeless is a gift from God which allows you to more freely to devote yourself to His service, if you will receive it as such. Jesus spoke of singleness and said, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given....He who is able to accept this, let him accept it." (Matthew 19:11,12) The unmarried apostle Paul likewise said, "But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I [single]. But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion." (1 Corinthians 7:8-9) Don't forget the God-given benefit of being single, for "I want you to be free from concern. One who is unmarried is concerned about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord...This I say for your own benefit; not to put a restraint upon you, but to promote what is appropriate and to secure undistracted devotion to the Lord." (1 Corinthians 7:32,35) All this to say, do not despise your singleness but embrace it as a gift from God, even if only for a season.
Second, consider the immense responsibility of marriage before rushing into a relationship. Men, are you ready to lay down your lives for a wife? Are you ready to permanently commit yourself to lead, love and serve the woman God gives you? Are you prepared to accept responsibility before God for the well-being of your family? If you are to lay down your life for this calling, know that there will be sacrifice. You will forfeit hobbies, pleasures and privaleges, but be assured that the payoff of such commitment will bring great blessing and reward, for "it is more blessed to give than to receive" (Acts 20:35).
To the married person, there is likewise a word of encouragement and a warning. First, remember that your marriage is designed by God for your good and His glory! You have the royal privalege of displaying to the world the covenant keeping love of Christ for His church. Therefore keep the gospel at the center of your marriage. Men, you are to be a picture of Christ to your wife. When wronged, you must be quick to forgive. When divided, you must be first to reconcile. When cold, you must initiate warm affection. You are responsible before God to lead, love and serve your wife. This is what Christ has done for you, so go and do likewise. If you neglect her well-being, you neglect yourself, for the two of you are one in God's sight. Therefore be dilligent to preserve the unity of your marriage and utilize your God-given family to bless others! Bring single people into your lives and display the love of Jesus to them. Invite the lost and the poor in to taste and see the goodness of God in your marriage.
Second, maintain reverence for the sanctity of your marriage. Christian couples, remember that your marriage is a witness of the Lord you call upon. What kind of message are you sending to your neighbors and friends? If your marriage is struggling, and all marriages will struggle at times in varying degree, I plead with you to do whatever it takes to make things right. Confess sin, find accountability within godly community, seek wise counsel, and for the love of Jesus take divorce off the table. Remember the covenant made on your wedding day. Remember that God sovereignly brought the two of you together: "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." (Matthew 19:6)
To the divorced person, the word of God offers much hope and promise to you. Whatever the reason for your divorce, whether you have sinned or been sinned against, forgiveness and restoration are available in the arms of Jesus Christ. Are you grieving? Jesus came to bear your grief. Are you overwhelmed by sorrow? Jesus came to carry you. (Isaiah 53:4) Are you guilty? Jesus came to bear your guilt. Have you "dealt treacherously against the wife of your youth"? Jesus came to pay the price for your sin. Come to Jesus, all you who are weary and heavy-laden with broken marriages, and He will give you rest. Even if your marriage seems to have failed, your God has not failed. He can work good even through sin and devastation, and He has an eternally significant life ahead of you in the fellowship of His service if you will have Christ as your savior an Lord.
If you will follow Him through this valley of shadow and death, know that your Heavenly Father desires reconciliation with your spouse above all else. "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men", epsecially your spouse. (Romans 12:18) The Lord instructs us "that the wife should not leave her husband (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband)" (1 Corinthians 7:10,11) And if reconciliation is not possible, receive this new chapter of your life with all its pain as a new beginning of undivided devotion to the Lord. Please do not go the way of the culture which has no love for God and would urge you to start over with someone else. No, "do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." (Romans 12:2) Few can accept this good and perfect will, yet you will be blessed if you do. For a person is bound by covenant to their spouse as long as they live, (1 Corinthians 7:39) and commits adultery if they marry another, except in the case of adultery (Matthew 19:9) or being left by an unbelieving spouse. (1 Corinthians 7:15) Remember that Jesus spoke everything He did for our joy (John 15:11) and "His commandments are not burdensome." (1 John 5:3) Jesus did not come to give burdens and take away joy, but to take away burdens and give joy.
Finally, to the remarried person, there is grace for you as much as any one else. Even if you have remarried without Biblical grounds and commited adultery in doing so, remember for whom Christ died. "But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8) That means Christ died for adulterers like you and I. You do not get a finger pointed in your face, for we are all guilty. For "everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." (Matthew 5:28) We will not however help ourselves or anyone else by glossing over adultery. Rather, God calls us to repentance. "Only acknowledge your iniquity, that you have transgressed against the Lord your God" (Jeremiah 3:13) and "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (1 John 1:9) Take heart, there is grace for us all.
Remember the woman at the well, considered to be an unclean Samaritan by the Jews, married and divorced five times and living with the sixth man out of wedlock...and loved by Jesus. He did not come to condemn her already devastated soul, but to offer her living water. "Whoever drinks of the water that I will give him shall never thirst; but the water that I will give him will become in him a well of water springing up to eternal life." (John 4:14) This is the God we serve, and this is the gospel we preach. Salvation for us who believe in Christ, no matter what we've done or where we've been! Having repented and believed in this good news, glorify God in your remarriage. "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her...Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord." (Ephesians 5:25,22)
God's grace is sufficient for us to endure and even thrive in whatever unique challenges our marital status brings. Wherever we are, we desparately need Jesus. Praise God, He is available to us! May He be glorified in our singleness, our marriage, our divorce or our remarriage and may we not reject His word but receive it as the life-giving treasure it is.
(5/29/2013)
